How Somatic Therapy Works: Finding the Shore
Joy first, trauma later. A guide to finding resilience and internal safety.
In order to go swimming, I must believe I can get back to shore. All the heads bobbing in the sea generally agree on this basic principle.
Consciously or unconsciously, we assess: how far out can I safely swim in these waves? At what point do my feet no longer touch the floor? We may know how to duck through a wave without getting smashed into the sand, or how to ride out a rip current.
In order to go swimming, I must believe I can get back to shore.
Somatic work begins with this concept. Before we submerge ourselves in the froth and chop of our trauma, before we dredge up ghost ships from the sea floor, we must first learn what internal safety feels like, and how to invoke it. Once we have this skill and understanding, our pasts become easier to explore. No matter how hefty the wave, we have the confidence to ride it - even in the face of horror, we know how to come back to ourselves.
Diving in and getting stuck
When starting therapy, it can be tempting to dive straight in. To get fixed fast. You may already know the deepest, gnarliest root of your struggles - so why not get to it? Your parent’s fights, the bullying, the violence. Tick, tick, tick and thank you.
But the reality is, when we barrage headfirst into the past, without the tools to come back, we can get stuck. Traumatic memories evoke physiological responses. Shallow breathing, heart racing, sweat prickling. And sometimes these responses can become overwhelming, if they aren’t handled with care. We may go into freeze or shutdown; we may spiral off into anxiety.
A resilient nervous system shifts elastically between states of arousal and calm. When a trigger comes up, the heart will begin to race, the breathing may judder, but gradually, naturally the system will settle back into a sense of safety.
But - when a nervous system has been breached by stressors too intense or enduring, its capacity for organic regulation gets eroded. The elastic loosens. A trigger can mean days, weeks, months of being stuck in anxiety, depression, worry, or physical symptoms.
Ever felt the tickle of a morning low and been hit with the doom of: ‘oh god, is this going to last forever?’ Rather than resting in the confidence that your system will shimmy softly back to its safe centre, the nervous system feels out of control - leaving you at the whims of its juddering, unpredictable ups and downs.
Joy First, Trauma Later
Somatic work is a deep relearning of the elasticity of the nervous system. To do this, we begin with the texture of how it is to feel good. Your therapist may ask:
‘Tell me about something that brought you joy this week’
‘Is there a place in your body that feels safe/cosy/good right now?’
Try it. You can do it alone or with a friend. If you’re alone, sit down with a pen and paper, or record yourself a voice note - and describe something/someone/someplace that brought feelings of peace or joy recently. Go into lots of detail. A full reconstruction. What was the weather like? What did the person say? What was their facial expression like? And notice what happens to your body as you’re with the memory.
Maybe your breathing deepens, your muscles relax, there might be warmth, or an upward feeling in the chest and face. Your version of calm will feel different than mine, which is why it’s important to go deep inside it - to discover the texture of your own safety.
We call this ‘Resourcing’. In the sea analogy, your resources might be your wetsuit, your friends watching out for you, maybe your surfboard, your hot flask of tea and thick towel waiting on the beach. With all of these things, you’re resourced enough to swim safely. Similarly, when we are emotionally resourced - when we have access to calm and joy - we can more safely explore the difficult parts of ourselves, our past traumas, our insecurities, our fears. We dip in, then out, pendulating between sea and dry land.
‘Yes, And’
Resourcing is not the same as toxic positivity. The aim here isn’t to invoke a sparkling cloud of good vibes to conceal the bad. It isn’t about pretending everything is great.
In fact, compulsive optimism is a huge stressor for the body, because it is a repression of the truth. It’s the shiny plastic smile and breezy ‘la la la’ as Trump gets elected. It’s the taut-eyed ‘nevermind’ and the ‘oh well’ of life. It denies reality. And, as Gabor Mate discusses in When the Body Says No, toxic positivity is correlated strongly with many forms of illness - because when we repress our emotional truth, we strain our nervous system and in turn, strain our immune system.
Resourcing is different. Instead of repressing reality, we widen our lens. Yes - Trump’s been elected and my head is spinning and heart is aching. And my friend is sitting beside me and I feel the warmth of their shoulder on mine. When I notice this, when I lean into it, I have some support to feel the grief, to feel the bad. Yes, And.
Without feeling into our resources, the hard parts of living can be unbearable. But when we are able to notice and savour the friend sitting beside us, we have more resilience to hold the pain. Just as compulsive optimism only sees the positive, a dysregulated nervous system often sees only the negative. But we need both if we are to exist as full, healthy, resilient organisms.
What if I’m already stuck in the waves?
Many people who seek therapy are already nose deep in the water and spluttering to stay afloat. Joy may feel inaccessible, calm may feel unknown. Dry land is a distant concept.
From this place, your first step is to manoeuvre your feet in the direction of the seafloor. Can you find a rock to balance on? Maybe just a toe at first.
Begin with noticing the tiniest glimmers of calm or ease. When you have a hot cup of tea in the middle of an overwhelming day, you feel ‘a bit better’. So how does ‘a bit better’ register in your system? What sensations are present that tell you it’s an improvement on before? The sunlight ‘looks nice’ through your curtains. How can you tell it’s nice? What does it do to your body?
This may not be satisfying at first. There’s something frustrating about needing a microscope to find even a hint of calm. But your attention is magical - what you pay attention to grows. Once you learn the texture of your internal safety, once you begin to nurture it, it will expand.
And soon, your feet will burrow lightly, then firmly into sand. You might bob back up a few times. It’s ok - just coax back down. Once anchored, your arms will find rest. And you’ll walk out of the sea a step at a time. Yes, the waves will keep going - the waves are always going. But it’s a lot easier to swim when you know you can get back to dry land.
Exercise: What Resources You?
Make a list of 5-10 things which bring a state of uncomplicated calm or peace or joy. Mine looks like this.
Dancing
Being in nature
Spending time with close friends
Music
My cat
Exercise
Hugs
Watching TV
Putting my feet in the soil
Eating tasty food
Another great article. And a really nice intro to SE. Thank you 🙏
Such a great article! Informative, visual and relatable. I’m feeling much more convinced that Somatics is the way!